8 min read ⌚ 

A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship

People, in general, are apt to build and cultivate relationships with each other. Being able to click with someone is a process that is so deeply entrenched in our mindset, that it is almost impossible to break.

Don, delivers an ancient but practical guide related to the art of building fruitful relationships and explains the benefits springing from them.

Let’s dive right in.

Who Should Read “The Mastery of Love”? And Why?

The secrets of Toltec wisdom are embedded deep into the hearts of naguals who have inhabited the region of today’s central and North America for hundreds and perhaps thousands of years.

While dealing with the challenges of survival, they’ve developed ideas that guided them through difficult times.

With this in mind, we firmly believe that “The Mastery of Love” is a good fit for the broader audience.

About Don Miguel Ruiz

Don Miguel Ruiz was born on August 27, 1952, and is best known for his eagerness to unpack the Toltec spiritualist philosophy.

He is also a bestselling author, who has written a couple of profound neo-shamanistic texts that revolve around ancient teachings.

• The Four Agreements
• The Fifth Agreement
• The Voice of Knowledge
• The Circle of Fire

“The Mastery of Love Summary”

Before the Europeans landed on the shores of what in the Middle Ages was known as the New World, the Toltecs had already earned the reputation of being women and men of knowledge. In recent studies and white papers, scientists have spoken of the Toltecs, as a race.

In fact, they were scientists who contrived a society that was propelled by spirituality and knowledge.

Throughout hundreds of years, the naguals were compelled to keep this knowledge a secret from those who planned to misuse it for personal gain. During the European conquest, in particular, the naguals remained in the shadows, fearful of potential abuse of power.

Luckily, the fortune was kept alive and passed on from generation to generation despite being under constant pressure from new cultural tenets. Don Miguel Ruiz, himself a nagual from the Eagle Knight lineage, decided to lift the veil on the powerful practices and teachings of the Toltec.

The Wounded Mind

It is needless to say we are all masters of our own little world.

In the same way, societies have created their own heroes, villains, and people to be venerated, our own minds have the power to do the exact same thing. Among other things, we also attribute specific features to one group of people whose actions reflect their inner world.

Evidently, we’ve been doing this since the beginning of time, and it is nothing other than an attempt to master your own personality and define your principles.

It takes years for a person to reach a certain level of mastery. Also, this is in direct relation to the idea you have of yourself, so striving to form your own set of beliefs is at the core of Toltec wisdom.

It also helps you understand that all of us are masters, whether we are aware of it or not – it doesn’t matter.

Think of it this way – children get into a quarrel with their friends about something trivial, and they get angry. With time, that child becomes aware that neglecting the problem or pushing it aside, doesn’t add to the problem-solving, not in the least.

So, as a response, the child instinctively strives to become the master of anger. You can apply the same process to almost any external phenomenon such as:

• Jealousy
• Deep-dejection
• Rejection
• Drama
• Sadness

When the fear of rejection or rebuff develops into something overwhelming, our mind is pushed into a state of confinement. It can no longer treat the wounds inflicted upon itself, and it is something that the medicine labels as a mental illness.

If you are into reading, you’ll come across some more specific terms such as schizophrenia, paranoia, Alzheimer’s psychosis, and others. Also, these diseases are a direct consequence of our mind’s impaired ability to heal the wounds, from the moment they surface.

The mind is frightened to take action and decides to abandon the outside world while being driven by the notion of less suffering.

The fear of getting hurt can only be described as fuel on the fire, or to use a more sophisticated term, it leads to the creation of a: big denial system.

This system is the perfect breeding ground for lies, and it facilitates the process of becoming a liar. The goal is that eventually one day, that lie is going to become your deep-rooted reality, and no one would dare to question it.

The denial system is like a wall of fog in front of our eyes that blinds us from seeing the truth – Don Miguel Ruiz writes.

As we pointed out, each of us creates or nurtures a set of personal beliefs that represent the foundation for the development of personal identity. But, we are also dragged into this big outside dream that creates the rules and sets the damn game.

The big dream incorporates in itself cultural values, religious tenets, laws, regulations, and environmental rules.

The question that troubles the minds of many is – Is this the right way to organize society?

When a human is born, his or her existence is intact and clear of emotional baggage. In other words, the human is healthy pretty much until it hits the age of four. Then, the first wounds begin to crop up, and as time goes by, the emotional wounds only become more painful and poisonous.

Almost all of humanity will agree that the happiest moments in our lives are when we embrace child-like behavior.

The fear of being judged disappears, the idea of being rewarded also vanishes, and we are simply there to enjoy life and have fun.

The adults, already infected with the disease of denial, pass it on to their children like some badge of honor. And as we said, the emotional wounds only become more contagious as the child grows both physically and mentally.

Some might argue that the problem lies in the upbringing of children, but the real problem prevails in the programming of our minds.

With time, young toddlers lose their innocence and acceptance of themselves and replace it with a wide array of fears. The most symbolic one is the fear of rejection; brought to life by our ignorance and social brainwashing, to say the least.

You can absolutely see how love and freedom are shattered in the presence of children, just by looking at them.

As grown-ups, we can all relate to the times when we were punished or reprimanded just for being too playful as kids. As if, it is bad to express your innate proclivity towards playing and expressing joy. It is impossible not to notice that the risk-reward system is corrupt to the very core.

“You are grounded” or being said something along the lines of that’s not how good boys/girls behave; is not very productive.

And no, we are not talking about gender roles, but the sense that something is right and something is wrong.

When that poison becomes ingrained into our daily lives, the sense of injustice only grows bigger.

You are no longer a child and must deal with the world. For instance, if you are in a relationship with an abusive partner, you’ll probably prolong your suffering by espousing the idea of you being the culprit for your partner’s misconduct.

As you become tolerant of abusive behavior, the world will inflict havoc upon you.

You live in a dream, some might call it an illusion, but it’s more of a vision you have of yourself. That dream, or whatever name you want to affix to it, is only genuine to you, and only you.

Not even your mother nor your closest circle embraces the same vision.

You have to acknowledge the fact that every dream is a form of life in and out of itself. Some might call it an apt description of one’s mindset, but it is more of a mix of emotions, experience, and hopes.

Apparently, it’s not easy to let go of the judgemental notions altogether, because it is more of a process than a one-time thing.

To achieve mental victory, a person must tackle their inclinations towards exhibiting reactions and settle down.

You’ll often see and hear people who chastise themselves for minor mistakes and say things along the lines of:

• I am a terrible person
• I don’t deserve this
• I am not a good mother/father

Even though life just keeps on giving, the drama doesn’t seem to stop.

Some call it a numbers game; with time, more positive emotions will overpower the fewer negative ones, but it’s not as easy as it appears.

You cannot order your mind to think positively, and love when you have built up this negative mindset, which acts in a very destructive manner.

In the process, you are not just hurting yourself, as these notions preclude you from forming strong bonds with other people. Nurturing positive relationships becomes more distant to you, as you delve into lies and denial.

The Creator of the Universe tells us to accept ourselves and not fall prey to the social norms of today.

Loving yourself in this world of madness is becoming harder and harder, despite all the inventions that made life easier for us.

Remember, there is no right and wrong; there are no winners and losers; they are all in your head.

How to move away from this stalemate?

Start the next day with a prayer for self-love.

Key Lessons from “The Mastery of Love”

1.      Get ahold of yourself
2.      Build the perfect relationship
3.      The biggest demon

Get ahold of yourself

It might come as a shock to someone, but you are not here to justify your existence.

Expectations put up, on your behalf, should be discarded immediately as the level of success must never be gauged by your willingness to please society.

Build the perfect relationship

This lesson is not only about other human beings, but it also conveys the meaning of being at peace with yourself.

Plunging into a productive discussion is the backbone of any relationship, and that’s precisely what you should be eager to apply.

The biggest demon

From today’s vantage point, we can all see that angels, demons, and saints are nothing other than human creation.

Sex – being the biggest sin, was seen as the fast route to hell.

But, we are all sexual creatures – built or made to create life on Earth, and there’s nothing wrong about engaging in sexual intercourse. Your body is smart, and it generates stimuli that are in line with your needs, society, on the other hand, cannot provide the same level of honesty when it comes to addressing your cravings.

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“The Mastery of Love Quotes”

Our Critical Review

Well, it can hardly get any better than this.

Don is absolutely amazing and very straightforward when delivering his message. In addition to that, I also like to point out that the Toltec wisdom truly is a treasure trove of ideas, just waiting to spring out, and society must capitalize on that momentum.

Emir Zecovic

Emir is the Head of Marketing at 12min. In his spare time, he loves to meditate and play soccer.