8 min read ⌚ 

The No-BS Guide to Getting What You Want

Not everybody is ready to cut through the BS and get to the point.

Mel understands why motivational quotes and phrases are viewed with a negative connotation and wants to lift the veil on the stuff that actually yields positive results.

Furthermore, she delivers an outline of the theory of being happy, and why it contradicts with the mainstream narrative.

Let’s delve into it.

Who Should Read “Stop Saying You’re Fine”? And Why?

Sometimes, you’ll be chastised by your colleagues, friends or even family, and you don’t have to pretend that you are fine.

On the second thought, some people reckon that beliefs form the inner reality, even when these notions are nothing but self-created.

Anyway, “Stop Saying You’re Fine” unravels the cause of downheartedness and helps you to pick up the pace in generating a response. As such, we find it highly insightful and immensely practical for the general audience.

Giving it a quick read is the least you can do.

About Mel Robbins

Mel Robbins obtained a law degree from Boston College Law School in 1994. Before becoming a CNN commentator, she worked as a criminal defense attorney.

Mel Robbins rose to prominence with her TED Talk “How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over.”

Her book “The 5 Second Rule” written in 2017 is an international bestseller!

“Stop Saying You’re Fine PDF Summary”

There are some days when you are filled with excitement, and you’re ready to seize the day. The coffee smells good, and at work, you leave no stone unturned in the pursuit to make the most out of everything.

You are ready to go the extra mile, but how long will that last?

It’s one of those days when you feel invincible and eager to step up regardless of the risk.  

Yes, but in the meantime, an equally powerful force holds you back, using a wide array of concealed tools.

This form of resistance stems from our lower version of ourselves, and it impedes the progress. The safe zone becomes the omnipresent reality and the preferred choice! You no longer have the passion for going the extra mile, and you’d rather be in the “known.”

In all honesty, resistance is winning on the long-haul.

Just think about it for a moment.

The alarm goes off, and you have to jump out of bed, walk barefooted to the bathroom, get yourself ready to do a bit of morning exercising.

Whose idea was it, in the first place?

You hit the snooze button, and curl up in your bed. It feels good, besides, it’s just one day; it’s no big deal!

When that snooze button is activated, we transfer our power over to something external. Later on, you try to summon up every ounce of strength to make up for this minor setback, but you feel strangled between different expectations.

Who wants to be stuck in a dead-end job for years? Besides, why would someone be motivated to do that kind of job?

Well, it’s not about the job, nor the performance, it’s about the passion for taking control over your life.

Feeling stuck is a very vague term.

It merely explains our position when there’s no particular problem to be solved, but you have this sense of edginess. It seems as if something is missing, but you can’t quite nail down what that is. You decide to rationalize the problem, and make excuses.

In all honesty, it’s easier to pass up on the opportunity and turn a deaf ear to the voice of reason. In doing so, you get the load off, but at the price of abandoning your dreams.

You have to understand that this feeling of perpetual stuckness will not fade away on its own accord.

When you enter a routine, the mind loses its creativity, and you have to suffer the consequences.

The same applies to marriages.

At first, you visualize how awesome it’ll be, and you romanticize even the trivial tasks. In the foreseeable future, you find yourself just doing the same old stuff over and over again. Monotony is killing you from the inside, but on the surface, it doesn’t feel like a problem at all.

You understand that change is inevitable, but how, when, why – all of these answerless questions can overwhelm you.

Your life demands a challenge, something to stimulate growth but it’s so hard to burst this bubble.

Wanting something from the bottom of our heart is a good first step, but without taking action, it’s all for nothing. We just sit there in the corner of the room, (actionless) contemplating our life choices, and trying to find the missing link.

To illustrate a point, Mel puts Brian in the spotlight.

Brian is annoyed with the way life has turned out for him. Back in college, he would have jumped into a crappy car, drive miles down the road to pay a visit to a friend, meet new people and have his ideas challenged. Now, all he has left is a meaningless job, which pays the bills.

He complains about the lack of intimacy with his wife Jennifer and fantasizes about Molly who has started working at the company a couple of months ago.

As you can see, Brian tends to pass the blame onto others. If he had realized his mistake, he would have ended things with Molly, initiated a dialogue with Jennifer, and perhaps wrote a business plan by now.

But sometimes, when this resistance takes over our body and mind, we start acting like jerks. Out of habit, we orchestrate an illusion that there’s no alternative route. The truth is – we don’t have the guts nor the audacity to make a bold move.

Action is the solution

Do you want a straight-out answer?

Your “stuckness” has little to do with the exhausting to-do list. When simple chores pile up, we feel like not having enough free-time is the only reason for our economic and mental slump.

In order to get things done, you have to be good at thriving under pressure.

Mel doesn’t circumvent the struggle, and tells us the way things are, not how we would want them to be!

Despite what everyone is saying, making a change is not easy. Trying something new, and getting out of the stigma that holds you imprisoned is always harder than it seems at first glance. An idea can get you all fired up, but just as easily put you in dejection when negativity rolls in.

These days, we have the victim-cult mentality that is practiced and embraced by many individuals.

Bearing the brunt of negativity can be very complicated, mostly because it pushes your psychological snooze buttons.

There’s something strange about getting stuck; it looks like an epidemic we cannot outrun. The external reality never takes into account your emotional situation, and the frantic pace of the digital age only makes things worse.

Hence, it’s hard to be at your best, and distinguish yourself from the herd.

When you reach adulthood, you are compelled to make decisions. For some, this is a heavy burden that robs them of joy and playfulness.

The truth of the matter is, both internal and external tendencies instigate this sense of captivity. And it’s not easy to break from the daily grind, let alone changing your whole mindset.

The uncertainty and the struggle create this illusion of being stuck.

The main thing is to resist the urge to jump on the latest bandwagon and understand how you can maintain control over your life.

Gauge the level of effort you put in, day in and day out, and conduct the same testing with regards to action-taking and procrastination.

According to Mel, an action is only a thought brought to life.

So, the first thing you ought to do is quell the surge of emotions, and focus on rationally.

Mel reckons that it’s hard to point out your true desires when you’re immersed in your work or story. It may come as a surprise to you, but breathing new life into your ideas is not something that comes as an end result of a surreal narrative.

First and foremost, we have to take a stand against the fictional approach of dealing with things. Next, we need to find out what comprises the reality.

You can start by taking into consideration the seven major areas of your life:

• Family
• Love and Sex
• Spirituality
• Career/Purpose
• Friends/Community
• Body/Health
• Money

Bear in mind that nurturing positive connections with others is the backbone of life.

Here’s the step-by-step process that can help you identify which actions generate the best results, and give you support in the pursuit of fulfilling your lifelong ambitions:

• Take Advice
• Approximate Your Dream
• Follow the Leader
• Get a PhD
• Join a Group
• Innovate
• Blow Up Obstacles

Lean in

Leaning in is most definitely a philosophy that can bring about change if you understand its meaning.

Seth’s life was literally a mess. Married at a young age to a woman he barely knew, which led to a divorce. He lost half of his marital assets, and pretty much all of his friends.

Huge problems only continued to pile up from there.

He had no real plan to tackle this aimless state, until one day, he had enough! So, the question was – What to do?

He was afraid of heights for as long as he could remember and had the “craziest” idea one can come up with. He boarded a plane, wearing a jumpsuit, hooked up to the instructor, and ready to jump from 10,000 feet. However, during the flight, he got this weird feeling.

What was I thinking? – No way! The instructor told him, the ride down is free, so he plucked up his courage and just went for it!

And yes, he wasn’t doing any insane skydiving maneuvers in midair, but he did break the ice.

Now you might wonder, what leaning in represents?

It’s about taking those small actions and building that momentum when the odds are against you. It takes a tremendous amount of courage and spirit to push forward and find real meaning in the things that you do.

If you take care of the small things, the big things take care of themselves. You can gain more control over your life by paying closer attention to the little things.

Key Lessons from “Stop Saying You’re Fine”

1.      Get up and start making things happen
2.      Keep your composure
3.      Take one step at the time

Get up and start making things happen

By all means, this is one of the most straightforward advice you’ll ever come across with.

If you believe that someone else should be held accountable for your life, and choices, prepare yourself for a bumpy ride.

People who have this urge to scale their careers or improve their lives must start with this simple test:

Who’s to blame? – You!

Keep your composure

It’s easy to veer off course when you make decisions on a whim.

Keep your cool, analyze what’s holding you down, and then take action. If you are afraid to step in and figure out a solution, you’ll never get to the top.

In order to become a winner, you have to act like one.

Take one step at the time

No one asks of you to reinvent the wheel.

The only thing you are required to do is to take small steps towards a certain goal.

Keep doing this on a daily basis, and you’ll see that sooner or later, the sun will shine on you again.

Like this summary? We’d Like to invite you to download our free 12 min app, for more amazing summaries and audiobooks.

“Stop Saying You’re Fine Quotes”

Our Critical Review

Mel Robbins has already showcased immense proclivity towards problem-solving.

We believe that this book can help you out in the endeavor to extricate yourself from the mental mess that prevails in today’s world.

Above all else, Mel conveys words of encouragement to those who feel the social stranglehold around their necks.

Emir Zecovic

Emir is the Head of Marketing at 12min. In his spare time, he loves to meditate and play soccer.