The Rational Male
13 min read ⌚
Do you know what the manosphere is?
Get an insight into it through one of its leading voices, Rollo Tomassi, and his extremely popular debut book:
Who Should Read “The Rational Male”? And Why?
“If you are picking this book up for the first time,” writes Rollo Tomassi at the beginning of The Rational Male, “or had it handed to you by a friend or loved one, and have never heard of the Rational Male or the manosphere or have had any exposure to the ideas I put forth here, I’ll humbly ask that you read with an open mind.”
And that’s an understatement!
As Tomassi notes just below, chances are you’ll find some (if not most) of the concepts in this book both radical and violently distasteful.
Trust us: Tomassi is not blowing his own trumpet when he describes them as “concepts that will challenge your perspective on women, men, how they interact with each other, and how social structures evolve around those relations.”
To cut a long story short, you’ll probably think Tomassi is a misogynist after just a few pages of the book.
So, it goes without saying: this is definitely not a book any woman will ever want to lay it’s eyes upon.
As for the rest of the population, let’s put it this way: The Rational Male is for the ones who know who Roosh V and Roissy in DC are, or for the ones who like Neil Strauss’ The Game and Robert Green’s The Art of Seduction but hate The Truth and radical feminism.
Even better: do you remember Tom Cruise’s character in Magnolia? Well, Rollo Tomassi is kind of a real-world version of him.
About Rollo Tomassi
Rollo Tomassi is the pseudonym of the anonymous author of the blog TheRationalMale.com.
Judging from an article published a year ago there, his primary occupation is (or, at least was until very recently) in the liquor and gaming promo business, and he began his online career writing on the SoSuave forums in his early 40s, about a decade ago.
He says his real name is “so white-bread generic it almost serves as a form of anonymity;” however, even after showing his face just recently to keep a few seminars and try himself at motivational speaking, he has gone on using his pseudonym, Rollo Tomassi.
All of his books – The Rational Male, The Rational Male: Positive Masculinity, and The Rational Male: Preventive Medicine – are compilations of articles published on his blog.
Book Summary
In the fictional world, Rollo Tomassi is a name attached to an anonymous assailant in the brilliant neo-noir movie L.A. Confidential.
In the real world – with or without the “double l” or the “doubles” – it is the name of at least two bands and (we guess) the pseudonym of one of the most respected online voices on male and masculinity-related issues.
Yup, that’s where his name comes from.
Known for a decade as the no-nonsense blogger behind therationalmale.com and now known even more as the author of three bestselling books of the same title (this one, and two others with differentiating subtitles: Positive Masculinity and Preventive Medicine), Rollo Tomassi is often described as “one of the leading voices in the globally growing, male-focused online consortium known as the ‘Manosphere.’”
If you don’t know what manosphere is, then think of it as feminism only for men, aka meninism; in fact, feminism is one of the things the manosphere hates the most, maintaining that it is responsible for the crisis of masculinity we’re currently in.
But, make no mistake: when it comes to gender and sex, Jordan Peterson’s views are (by Rollo’s own admission) “egalitarian to a fault” when compared to Tomassi’s.
Predictably, not few men think of The Rational Male as “the definitive work of gender dynamics for this generation” or “the single greatest counter-culture romance and dating guide of the decade.”
Tomassi’s book is filled with so many concepts and pieces of advice that it’s very difficult to summarize it; basically, each chapter – not a section – introduces an acronym, an idea, or a model related to gender dynamics.
Below, we’ve selected some of the most interesting ones; as for the rest – you can read them for free on Tomassi’s blog!
(If you’re a woman – please don’t!)
ONEitis
What is ONEitis, you ask?
Let us quote Tomassi:
[ONEitis is] an unhealthy romantic obsession with a single person. Usually accompanied by unreciprocated affection and completely unrealistic idealization of the said person… ONEitis is an unhealthy psychological dependency that is the direct result of the continuous socialization of the soulmate myth in pop culture.
In short, if you believe there is something like the One, then you’re sick; ONEitis is the name of your disease.
According to Tomassi, ONEitis is a paralysis, something that hinders your movement, your maturity, and your growth.
It is the foundational aspect of “the framework of the feminine:” You are made to believe that you are less than the man you really are.
The truth is “there are some good Ones, and there are some bad Ones, but there is no ONE. Anyone telling you anything else is selling you something.”
The main thing is to focus on how you can become a better version of who you are at the moment, and not seek for the “ONE”.
The Dynamics of Power
“In any relationship,” writes Tomassi, “the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.”
Power, according to him, is the foundation of any relationship, whether intersexual, familial, or business relationships.
At first glance, this may seem a bit excessive but as it turns out, people are driven by the need to either lead or to be led.
This dynamic is always in effect, whether you want it or not.
In other words, everyone comes into any relationship looking to get something out of it, be it sex, money, love, lifestyle, or children.
Tomassi’s point?
The less you need from your partner, the more she needs you.
In order to attain personal freedom and confidence, you first need to find what motivates and drives you personally without necessarily attributing that drive to your partner’s affection.
Now, you understand how big of a problem the guy suffering from ONEitis has: he has absolutely no power over his relationship and, hence, no freedom whatsoever.
The Plate Theory
Tomassi’s plate theory imagines men as spinners of plates and women as, well, plates. (OK, it’s not the greatest of analogies).
The main idea behind it is that men should master their trade – aka, the gender dynamics – by spinning as many plates as possible.
Some of the plates will fall off immediately, others will spin for a time and then break, and a third group will keep on spinning throughout.
So, the point is not that you shouldn’t commit to a relationship; the point is that you need to do this only after you’ve spanned a few plates.
“The essence of plate theory is that a man is as confident and valuable as his options,” writes Tomassi. “This is the essence of the abundance mindset – confidence is derived from options.”
The Plugged-In AFCs
However, most men nowadays think of monogamy as the only way to live their lives; moreover, they suppress their masculinity, believing that women want harmless men.
This is not the truth: women want confident and assertive men, and you’ll not become one if you don’t spin your plates and take a red pill or two.
Instead, you’ll live your whole life as an AFC, an average frustrated chump plugged into the system.
You are already one if you can be described along these lines:
• First and foremost, you suffer from ONEitis;
• You subscribe to female idealizations;
• You believe that supplication is supportive, aka you believe that you must decrease so that your partner can increase in your egalitarian relationship;
• Some parts of you believe in the Savior and/or the Martyr schema; the former means that you believe you’ll get some sex in return for solving some problems for a woman, and the latter that the more you sacrifice, the more devotion you show;
• Related: you believe in the friend’s debt, or the LJBF (let’s just be friends) relationship as a means to prospective intimacy.
We can go on, but we guess you got the point: unless you are an Alpha, you are an AFC.
The Red Pill Theory
So, it’s time to wake up!
It’s time that you spill the blue pill you’ve been force-fed ever since your birth and accept the red pill of truth.
It’s not really a comfortable one in the world you live in; in fact, some may say that it’s a bit misogynist, while others that it is a fireproof trip back to the Age of the Neanderthals.
Because the red pill truth of gender dynamics – says Rollo Tomassi – is that men are supposed to be the dominant sex; and that women like this.
Those who say otherwise have been brainwashed by feminists:
The most ironic thing about this ‘Identity Crisis’ is that the least attractive thing to most women is a man who is willing to compromise any part of his identity to placate to her, much less a wholesale selling-out of it. Women are naturally attracted to that masculine independence as it represents a very strong cue for security and the potential to provide that security to her (and any children she may have).
In other words, women don’t want a man who’ll “do everything they say.” They want to be told “No” and they want to be around someone who’s secure and confident.
Nothing turns women on as men who are capable of putting their sexual impulses on hold to stick to their own beliefs and ambitions.
“This,” says Tomassi, “covertly communicates to a woman that his goals and determination trump her one real power over him – her sexuality. That is the man who is the prize, the ‘great catch,’ the male to be competed for with other women.”
The Five Stages of Unplugging
If you are an AFC, know beforehand that you need some effort to unplug from the Matrix and accept from the Matrix.
The five stages of unplugging – analogously to the five stages of grief – look like this:
#1. Denial – Still Plugged-In: This is the AFC who’s read books such as this one and still thinks something along these lines: “These game guys are a bunch of clowns, there’s no way this works on women. Women aren’t stupid. What a bunch of misogynists.”
#2. Anger – Post-Red Pill Awareness: “This is ridiculous!” – you think at this stage. “I just want to be myself, and these game guys want me to become a beast. Why wasn’t I born a Natural Alpha? I blame my parents/siblings/teachers/God/liberals/feminists/media/society…”
#3. Bargaining – Unplugged: “Well maybe it does have some good points… but, forget the hot girls, they’re way outta my league. I’ll give it a try if it can help me get around the bases with a Plain Jane. Do I have to wear the fuzzy hat and black nail polish?”
#4. Depression – Bitter Taste of the Red Pill: “Wow, women really respond to this puffed-up act? And I just joined up for this? The world is sad, and so am I…”
#5. Acceptance – Game Awareness: “Maybe this is the way things really work. I guess I should give up the gender relations mythology I’ve been holding onto… hey, what do you think of these negs I came up with?”
According to Tomassi, there’s also a sixth stage – Jaded – MGTOW (Men Go Their Own Way) Permutations – when men start preferring video games and porn to game rules.
It’s a hardly relevant stage, but Tomassi added it for precautionary measures since it’s a common aftereffect of unplugging.
Rollo Tomassi’s Iron Rules
In one of the chapters, Tomassi also shares his personal nine Iron Rules of dating.
Here they are:
#1. The frame is everything. “Always be aware of the subconscious balance of who’s a frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame, but resist giving the impression that you are.”
#2. Don’t reveal to your partner your sexual partner’s count. “Never, under pain of death, honestly or dishonestly reveal the number of women you’ve slept with or explain any detail of your sexual experiences with them to a current lover.”
#3. Don’t wait for sex. “Ignore any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.”
#4. Don’t live with a woman you’re not planning to marry. “Never under any circumstance live with a woman you aren’t married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.”
#5. Never allow a woman to be in control of the birth. “It’s called birth control because someone is ‘controlling’ the birth.” (Aka use condoms.)
#6. Women and men love differently. “Women are fundamentally incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved by a woman. Men believe that love matters for the sake of it. Women love opportunistically.”
#7. Don’t try to fix broken relationships. “It is always time and effort better spent developing relations with new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship.”
#8. Don’t let women be the sexual selectors that easily. Always let a woman figure out why she won’t have sex with you, never do it for her.
#9. Don’t be modest. “Never seriously self-deprecate with a woman you intend to be intimate with. Apologizing for a lack of Game isn’t a Game.”
Key Lessons from “The Rational Male”
1. Men and Women Are Different
2. The Red Pill of Gender Dynamics
3. Beat the ONEitis and Become an Alpha
Men and Women Are Different
The underlying premise of The Rational Male – and the manosphere, for that matter – is fairly simple: men and women are different, and it’s wrong to strive to build a world in which they have the same rights and desires.
Simply put, they are biologically wired to have different needs, and no matter what we do, this will remain the same.
To quote Jordan Peterson: “The insistence that the highest moral virtue for the modern man is harmlessness… is absurd. Women don’t even like harmless men. They hate them. They like to claw them apart. What women want are dangerous men who are civilized. And they want to help civilize them. That’s Beauty and the Beast.”
The Red Pill of Gender Dynamics
“The operative framework, the reality we function in,” writes Rollo Tomassi near the end of The Rational Male, “is primarily defined by the feminine.”
He says that he first became aware of this after watching a popular sitcom with a critical eye. “There simply were no positively masculine actors or roles on any show, and rather, every male was ridiculed for his masculinity.”
And that was his red pill, the one which awakened him to the fact that feminization and feminine primacy are everywhere and that we are all plugged into an operative framework that portrays neither the world nor the human beings as they actually are.
In other words, each and every one of us has been given (repeatedly!) the blue pill of egalitarianism, even though, in reality, women themselves don’t want to be equal to men; what they want is what almost every female being in the animal world wants: subjection, dominance, and traditional gender roles.
We’ve been brainwashed, says Tomassi, and this has led to a blue-pill world in which everything is nice and shiny – but untrue and prison-like.
Beat the ONEitis and Become an Alpha
If you are a man who believes in the one and true love for all times and a day, then you are actually an AFC, aka Average Frustrated Chump who’s suffering from ONEitis.
In other words, you’re plugged into the operative framework of the world which has put you in the prison of femininity and made you unhappy.
To unplug yourself, you must become aware of the dynamics of the sexual marketplace. In other words, you must drink the red pill offered to you by the manosphere and realize that you’ll be much more wanted when you need the other genderless.
And this will make you an alpha, the man women want, the Beauty’s Beast.
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“The Rational Male Quotes”
Anxiety, trauma and crisis are necessary catalysts to stimulate self-consciousness. Click To Tweet Women would rather share a high-value Man than be saddled with a faithful loser. Click To Tweet Stimulating a woman’s imaginings is the single most potent talent you can develop in any context of a relationship. Click To Tweet Nothing is as simultaneously fear-inspiring and arousing for women as a Man she suspects is self-aware of his own value. Click To Tweet Women are fundamentally incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved by a woman. Click To TweetOur Critical Review
OK, we have to be honest: although we know that many men will find many appealing and even inspiring ideas in this book, we didn’t like The Rational Male one bit.
For one, we believe that (just like Jordan Peterson) it has gotten the main story wrong.
Namely, it’s only a truism that underneath our docile, civilized nature we’re savage, animalistic creatures with vile desires and needs.
It’s also a truism that these desires differ between men and women: we’ve evolved treading different paths, and the one trodden by men basically commanded them to become beasts; in addition, the one trodden by women required them to look for beasts.
Being beaten once or twice a month was the price women had to pay to survive for millennia; being “married” to a harmless man a hundred thousand years ago would have probably resulted in their – and their children’s – deaths; harmless men are incapable of defending their families when attacked by a lion.
However, it’s the 21st century, and we’re living in a different day and age; there are no lions anymore. And we’re free to look back at how we got here and correct our evolutionary paths.
If an abuse victim is suffering from Stockholm syndrome, you don’t go on and tell her that she’ll just have to live with the condition forevermore; you try to help her.
And it’s not fair that so many feminists are doing the former.
Emir is the Head of Marketing at 12min. In his spare time, he loves to meditate and play soccer.
