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The Startling Effect Other People Have on You, From the Boardroom to the Bedroom and Beyond – and What to Do About It
Behind every great man, they say, there’s a great woman. Well, in “The Power of the Other,” Dr. Henry Cloud, says that there are also parents, siblings, and numerous friends. Because, man or woman, you can’t be a great leader if you don’t learn to have good relationships with the people around you.
And this book is as good a manual as any.
About Henry Cloud
Henry Cloud is a clinical psychologist and leadership trainer, consultant of many Fortune 500 companies and author of more than 20 books. He is most famous for his “Boundaries” series of books, including the introduction to the series, “Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life” and “Boundaries for Leaders.”
Find out more at https://www.drcloud.com/.
“The Power of the Other Summary”
No matter what the OED says, “lead” is a transitive verb. In other words – you have to lead someone to consider yourself a leader.
So, in a way, leadership is all about good relationships. In “The Power of the Other,” Dr. Henry Cloud explains how much leaders profit from good relationships in their lives; and what they should do if this is not the case.
First of all, you have to be aware that high performance is the result of the combinatory power of three aspects of your life. Namely, your physical wellbeing, your mindset, and your relationships.
Some books – such as, say, these eight – care about your health and well-being; because you have to be in great physical shape to be a great leader; think of your body as your hardware.
Hardware + software = your PC. Or, in our analogy, your whole being. Could there be something more?
Of course. The Internet.
Or, in our analogy, the relationships you develop between yourself and the people around you. You can be much more than yourself through the power of those around. And, Henry Cloud’s “Four Corners” framework will help you understand this better.
Namely, if you’re a Corner One Leader, you’re a lone wolf. You don’t trust people. But, to quote leadership favorite, John C. Maxwell, “if it’s lonely at the top, you’re not doing something right!”
Corner Two Leaders are not isolated, but, maybe even worse, are in relationships which have a negative influence on them. In time, they will get the better of their strengths.
Corner Three Leaders depend on people’s admiration. They are good when showered with praise, but depressed when confronted with bad news.
You already know where we’re going, right?
Corner Four Leaders are the True Leaders. They are in good relationships, starting from their family and ending with their mentors (or vice versa). They get honest feedback – which makes even the negative response a positive advice. And their relationships are always built on trust and mutual respect.
Need we say more?
If you want to be a leader, be a Corner Four Leader. Otherwise, there’s really no point to aim for the top.
Key Lessons from “The Power of the Other”
1. High Performance Depends on Three Things
2. The Four Corner Relationship Model
3. The Corner Four Leader Is the Only Way to Go
High Performance Depends on Three Things
As an individual, you’re a combination of your body and your mind. The former is the hardware of your being, the latter its software. Taking care of your health and feeding your brain with the right information may make you a great leader.
But, there’s a third part of the equation: relationships. Because, just as connected computers may give birth to something as wondrous as the Internet, two connected individuals may bring about the ultimate leader.
The Four Corner Relationship Model
The “Four Corner” relationship model developed by Henry Cloud aims to paint a better portrait of leaders in terms of their relationships to other people.
Corner One Leaders, for example, are mostly isolated and bitter. On the other hand, Corner Two Leaders are in unhealthy relationships, which have a negative effect on them. Corner Three Leaders can be only in relationships which result in them being praised and complimented.
Finally, Corner Four Leaders are in good and healthy relationships.
The Corner Four Leader Is the Only Way to Go
Consequently, being a Corner Four Leader is the only reasonable way to go to the top. Meaning: you need to spend some time to develop your relationships. They need to be based on honesty, trust, and productive communications. This will not only help you be a better leader.
It will also help you “internalize” the power of the other people and become a bigger and a better person.
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“The Power of the Other” QuotesThis invisible power, the power of the other, builds both the hardware and the software that leads to healthy functioning and better performance. Click To Tweet People need to see hope and strong determination in the face of their leaders. Click To Tweet There is no freedom without responsibility, and that is generally taken only if there are consequences for not taking it. Click To Tweet So-called self-improvement – the process of getting better – is really a relational enterprise, not a ‘self’ enterprise. Click To Tweet No one delivers a great performance while lost in negative self-evaluation. Click To Tweet