Codependent No More PDF Summary

Codependent No More PDF SummaryHow to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Published in 1986, this book quickly gained headlines!

It tries to address the endless struggle of a group of people who are not in the loop.

It accentuates the need for combative attitude in given occasions in order to tackle the necessity for perpetual dependency.

Are you codependent or not, is yet to be discovered!

Who Should Read “Codependent No More”? And Why?

As you might know, we all share the same attachment to people or things. The problem is aroused when we fail to put our well-being in the spotlight and prefer the underdog status.

It seems like “Codependent No More” as a book, attempts to unpuzzle the mystery behind this phenomenon!

As such, we feel that people with the slightest doubt of dependency on something should read it!

Melody BeattieAbout Melody Beattie

Melody Beattie (1948) is hailed as one of America’s finest self-help female writers of all time.

Her expertise in codependent relationships has helped her to reach the hearts of those facing those challenges.

“Codependent No More PDF Summary”

Melody recalls her first encounter with the very idea of codependence in the sixties. At that time, people at the mercy of others were not referred to as codependents. The same approach applied to drug and alcohol abusers who were later labeled as chemically dependent.

It seems strange that even if you are not privy to the terminology used, you can somewhat easily spot these codependents.

As the name actually implies, it covers a wide spectrum of people who run through life mostly addicted to other people and sometimes “things.” We’ll try to keep our focus on the people part and find out what causes this obsession to come about.

People falling into this broad category are very precise in their overall perspective regarding life. They exhibit insecure submissiveness and almost always place emphasis on the feelings.

They ruminate on their decisions made through the course of life and ponder excessively whether something should have been done differently or not.

The idea of unacceptance fuels this excessive need for self-analysis and dependence. This group sometimes go as far as manipulating the system in order to execute certain tasks.

Melody addresses the problems of this group, and how sometimes they struggled to separate truth from lies.

Before we take things a step further, let’s try to understand codependency.

There are as many definitions as they are stars in the sky. To some degree, they all endeavor to unravel the same ideology and point out what happens in the aftermath of this revelation.

On the inside, codependents have this innate urge to ingratiate themselves with the society and are often portrayed as benevolent and kind. As stated in the book, codependency can be construed as a disease due to its progressive nature.

As a response, some early symptoms may crop up which on the long-run can give new impetus to depression, isolation, suicidal urges, etc.

Nowadays, people see this type of disease with different eyes, often peered through the fog of delusion.

The self-destructive inclinations must be met with an equally powerful thrust which can tip the balance in favor of the codependent. So, who will be the instigator of this change? As a matter of fact, what foreshadows a full-scale alteration?

Melody believes that emotional, mental, and spiritual health can never be taught. The only thing you can do actually is to embolden a person or encourage it to take certain actions.

It comes as no surprise to anyone that people love to live in happiness and bliss, but that’s often easier said than done.

Codependents may:

  • Think that they are responsible for the feelings of the other person. This sense of liability emerges in various shapes and sizes through thoughts, actions, wants, deeds, you name it.
  • Feel overwhelming anxiety and stir up self-pity when the problem lies within the other person.
  • Anticipate the wants and desires of their close circle.
  • Wonder why other people don’t do likewise.
  • Attempt to prefer the well-being of others over themselves.
  • Feel no hesitation to vent their anger and rage about injustices done to others but shy away from applying that same logic in circumstances that cause disturbance to them.
  • Feel safe and secure when they are giving rather than receiving.
  • Feel shaky when someone takes care of them.
  • Feel disappointed because people don’t act with the same passion toward them.
  • Find themselves attracted to a needy group of individuals.
  • Go through boredom and a sense of worthiness which induces a personal crisis.
  • Leave behind something they love to do in order to satisfy others.

Codependents tend to:

  • Have a dysfunctional, aggressive family background.
  • Deny any collective responsibility for their emotional and mental status.
  • Put the blame onto themselves regardless of whether that’s true or not.
  • Be hard on themselves with regards to their physical, mental, emotional appearance.
  • Fly off the handle every once in a while, and take a defensive stance when others believe that codependents should embrace a different standpoint.
  • Double-check or completely disregard compliments lavished upon them.
  • Slump in deep dejection due to lack of praise.
  • Feel no connection to the world.
  • Think that they are not worthy of anything, and merit no praise whatsoever.
  • Feel insecure and often guilty when it comes to spending money on their basic needs or doing some other stuff for their Intrinsic pleasure.
  • Dread the possibility of rejection.
  • Take life too personally and everything flowing in it.
  • Have the victimhood ingrained in them as they are an easy mark for any form of abuse?
  • Act and portray themselves as victims.
  • Don’t believe in their ability.
  • Be skeptical about their prowess and are afraid to take risks.

The author clearly states that the preceding checklist doesn’t have all the necessary features, but it is a good starting point. Codependents ruminate on a lot of things, like most other people, but there’s a difference in traits which to some degree can assess a person’s codependency inclinations.

This is not an accurate portrayal of a codependent individual, and it doesn’t depict the individuality each person possesses.

It’s merely a profile that can help us dispel doubts regarding the urges of these people.

This leads us to the next revelation that codependents are not attached solely to people but to the environmental turmoil, as well. They are somewhat compelled to put the feelings of others above theirs with total disregard to the ramifications.

Attachment is a problem in itself; you don’t need anything extra burden to describe it as a real bottleneck.

It’s like being caught up in a fishing net and imprisoned, sometimes even unaware of your sentencing. Obsession with another human being or situation is also another way to put it or phrase it.

So, how to spot these individuals?

Truthfully, some cues can be seen from a mile away.

Melody knuckles down to the triangle comprised of three main roles: rescuer, persecutor, and victim. The flexibility in this process sustained by the role-changing and other emotional inconsistencies.

Sometimes, when we take care of our beloved ones, we put our basic needs and interests aside. This behavior may give birth to some destructive inner patterns, and put the entire life on hold. It’s a path you wouldn’t want to take.

Don’t remain a victim, because caretaking is one form of oppression. Nobody is saying that you shouldn’t show signs of empathy, but you should really bring your real intentions into line with your urges.

Sometimes, we feel like the people cannot be held accountable for their wrongdoings and we decide to the backbreaking work on their behalf.

This doesn’t justify, why you neglect yourself!

“Needing” is a recipe for disaster because it can cause a lot of trouble. It’s completely wrong to base your happiness on things or other people. If the needs of others represent the axis around which your life spins, you are dealing with severe emotional insecurity.

Every now and then, people also have this habitual tendency to play tricks in order to conceal their dependency.

Why would a person do such a thing? Aren’t we capable of judging our capability without necessarily attaching a negative stigma to it?

Here are a couple of ground rules that may help:

  1. Execute all the tasks starting from early childhood. Cultivate that habit and try to get into the right frame of mind.
  2. Protect that frightened and insecure child dwelling deep within us.
  3. Find real happiness from within, stop making excuses.
  4. Find out what needs to be done in order to detach from these habitual tendencies. Learn how to lean on yourself, and you’ll see a significant change right away.
  5. Call upon God – it is a source that cares for you!
  6. Leave no stone unturned in your effort to gain independence. Dissect the exact ways that will help you reach it!

Self-care and its effects

Self-care does correlate with the attitude you have about yourself and the one you promote as a member of a certain community. Moreover, it signifies our utmost sincerity in handling relationships and how we cope with the pressure of dealing with the issues that may crop up.

As long so you don’t pry into other people’s lives, and they do the same to you, you’ll be fine. If you put your interest upfront, you don’t have to feel ashamed, because there is nothing wrong with being a little selfish.

Due to the fact that codependents rarely take their well-being into account, they suffer! By no means should you feel selfish in doing so!

Yes, you have to acknowledge the fact that you have the right to be a first-class citizen – in your mind. You don’t deserve to treat yourself and to be treated in that fashion.

The question is – how to attain a peaceful state? A person needs to go through the five-step process listed below:

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Barging
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

A deep mental impasse also comes about when people believe that being angry is a sin. Let us lay a couple of things that codependents are convinced of:

  • It’s unacceptable to look or feel angry
  • Anger is a total waste of time and energy
  • Moral people never experience anger
  • Never should you allow yourself to get upset under any circumstances
  • Losing control due to anger is equally bad
  • People run away from angry folks
  • Other people must always feel accepted in your presence  

Don’t get surprised if from time to time, you may lose the ground beneath your feet. It’s a symbolic expression that embodies our absolute necessity to vent anger and rage if that’s the appropriate response.

Anyway, one must not take for granted the idea of self-development into a self-reliant individual. When feelings come rush in, handle them with your feet on the ground.

Tackle the codependent traits and laws you live by!

Key Lessons from “Codependent No More”

1.      The effects of codependency
2.      Find your hidden battering ram
3.      Educate yourself

The effects of codependency

If you are unaware of the calamity induced by the lack of independent spirit, then you’re really putting yourself in a secondary-position.

Remaining dependent is being weak, and often people will make take full advantage of that. Stand up for yourself and focus on your well-being.

Find your hidden battering ram

This symbolic expression of how you should act and when is in tune with the idea of becoming more empowered.

It’s the idea that allows you to adopt a selfish approach if it is for a greater good.

Educate yourself and evolve constantly

Don’t merely become one of those people who despise change. In order to thrive a person needs to tackle the codependent spirit and accept full liability for every action.

Be prepared to exploit every means at your disposal in order to grow.

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“Codependent No More Quotes”

Codependents are reactionaries. They overreact. They under-react. But rarely do they act. They react to the problems, pains, lives, and behaviors of others. They react to their own problems, pains, and behaviors. Click To Tweet We rescue people from their responsibilities. We take care of people’s responsibilities for them. Later we get mad at them for what we’ve done. Then we feel used and sorry for ourselves. That is the pattern, the triangle. Click To Tweet Worrying, obsessing, and controlling are illusions. They are tricks we play on ourselves. Click To Tweet I saw people who were hostile; they had felt so much hurt that hostility was their only defense against being crushed again. Click To Tweet Codependents: don’t trust themselves. don’t trust their feelings. don’t trust their decisions. don’t trust other people. try to trust untrustworthy people. Click To Tweet

Our Critical Review

Well, we hope that you learned something because we sure did.

It prompts us to climb the highest point and have a broad overview of the entire life-structure that we nurture.

It can help us a ton!

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The Highly Sensitive Person PDF Summary

The Highly Sensitive Person PDF SummaryHow to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

The hypersensitive fraction of the population frequently feels like the world is crashing down on their shoulders.

They don’t want to succumb to this pressure, but they can’t seem to operate under the strain of societal principles.

It’s a struggle they like to win, and Elaine is willing to lay out some actionable tips.

Who Should Read “The Highly Sensitive Person”? And Why?

Well, you got it all wrong if you think highly of yourself and feel like being a lumberjack excludes you from absorbing the utility of this book.

Perhaps, we should put it in layman’s terms!

In our humble opinion, “The Highly Sensitive Person” is an astonishing book that lifts the veils on the behavior of a certain group of people.

Therefore, we believe it will mostly fit those who struggle to maintain composure due to hypersensitivity.

Elaine N. AronAbout Elaine N. Aron

Elaine N. Aron is a psychologist born on November 1st, 1944 in the US. She earned her M.A. in clinical psychology from York University.

Elaine is also lauded as an author whose books have sold millions of copies.

“The Highly Sensitive Person PDF Summary”

Do you fall in the highly sensitive category?

When highly sensitive people (HSPs) share some intimate details about love and relationship-building as a whole – that somehow foreshadows acceptance. In general, they care for their partners dearly and feel no hesitation to convey their feelings and sometimes even plunge into soul-shaking encounters.

All being said, no one marginalizes the non-HSPs, as we are just indicating that HSPs, are more prone to certain behavioral patterns.

In a study conducted by a renowned psychologist, John Gottman, you can find some astonishing numbers regarding the conflicts couples have and end up unresolved. He found out that approximately 70% of all quarrels are unsolvable, and the same percentage applies to both happy and unhappy couples.

This explains why you should at least give the benefit of the doubt prior to jumping into conclusions.

High sensitivity is, in fact, an inherent feature and depicts profound proclivity for making certain moves. HSPs unlike its counterparts, exert themselves in nurturing a close and intimate connection with people from their closest circle.

As avid dreamers, their understanding of the unconscious eclipses the stigma attached to socially-accepted patterns. This gives new impetus for comprehending unconscious impulses that may emerge.

When it comes to cultural patterns, not every culture favors HSPs. As a matter of fact, the more aggressive one social group is, the more it’ll need an entirely different approach toward survival.

We now have four types of people:

  • HSPs/non-HSSs
  • HSSs/non-HSPs
  • Non-HSPs/non-HSSs
  • HSPs/HSSs

The Path to Your Real Self

In this chapter, the author puts emphasis on love and the way you can protect it through right actions. If you want to ensure that you can make headway in this process, you have to get a bird’s eye view of gender stereotypes.

Next up, one must dive deep into the close relationship men and women form, and find the subtle reasons which might hamper the profundity.

Let’s look it through the lens of history.

Throughout the ages, women were somehow pressured to look physically appealing to men as a way of forming a family. In recent years, women were also told to act with respect and adopt ethical habits in the pursuit of achieving their personal and professional goals.

Nonetheless, being attractive remains their personal priority.

In the digital age, HSPs can prosper in almost every regard since gender roles are brought to its minimum. In other words, you are allowed to excel at anything without being subjected to societal pressure.

Also, we would like to address a phenomenon known as “love-shyness.”

Love-shyness is a term conceived by sociologist Brian Gilmartin, who has found out that a significant fraction of heterosexual men crave for establishing intimate relationships but fail to do so.

The truth is, the biggest threat to HSMs (Highly Sensitive Men) are not non-HSMs but the lack of male role models – fathers.  

In order to reciprocate for these cons, HSPs often turn over to a full-scale alteration by developing into a Superman or Superwoman.

The Real Fear of Intimacy

Indeed, HSPs are naturally inclined to have this sense of discomfort when it comes to intimacy. This also induces a risk-free attitude or advocates for absorbing acts that contain minimum insecurities.

Intimacy and friendship often demand more openness and thus it is vital to lower your guard down. Sometimes, it may well end up in a fizzle – such as loss, cheating, betrayal, quarrel, etc.

Elaine N. Aron tries to enlighten its readers by laying all the cards on the table from where we can scrutinize all aspects of establishing close and intimate relationships.

It’s not easy to define intimacy but according to the book; it is something like:

Being authentic, revealing to another your most private and true-at-this-moment self— thoughts, feelings, bodily self. In return, the other reveals his or her true self to you.

Why do we have this need for closeness? It’s partly because we were born someone took care of us. It’s not like we did it all on our own – that’s why we have this need for love and confidentiality.

Even as adults we prefer of having someone close by our side to whom we can say anything and expect comforting words.

Eight reasons an HSP might fear intimacy

  • First, Fear of Exposure and Rejection
  • Second, Fear of Angry Attacks
  • Third, Fear of Abandonment
  • Fourth, Fear of Loss of Control
  • Fifth, Fear of One’s “Attack-and-Destroy” Impulses
  • Sixth, Fear of Being Engulfed
  • Seventh, Fear of Commitment
  • Eighth, Fear of Disliking the Other for Subtle Annoyances

Fall in Love

Contrary to popular beliefs, HSPs struggle to fall in love! In the next sub-chapter, the author defines love as:

Love is a set of attitudes, feelings, and behaviors associated with the desire to enter and maintain an intimate relationship with a particular other person.

If you want to meet HSPs and see their side of the story, you ought to follow these simple ground rules:

  • Go where they go, do what they do
  • Learn to recognize them
  • Ask others to introduce you to the HSPs they know
  • Approach HSPs carefully and be persistent

While, if you are more interested in non-HSPs you should meet the following criteria:

  • Go where they go, but on your own terms
  • When you are feeling aroused or nervous, ask questions and listen
  • Let the non-HSP get to know you, especially your deeper aspects
  • Be ready for the differences between you

Sometimes, we don’t even want to engage in serious relationships, and there are some things you can do to avoid falling in love. Try not to express intimacy, avoid giving romantic cues, stay away from people who are clearly interested in that kind of relationships, etc.

The Synergy between HSPs and non-HSPs

Mismatches existing in behavior and temperament can sometimes be compensated with a great dose of flexibility. At a given point, the greatest problem among these two groups would be the idea of maintaining close intimacy.

One cannot simply contend with one outcome or the other – we must advocate for a critical overview of the pros and cons.

So how can a person benefit from the differences:

  • You will have immense flexibility intertwined by a wide range of abilities
  • Your relationship will be filled with exciting situations
  • It will help both of you to build a character
  • You will affect each other
  • You will learn more about your “shadow”

Furthermore, Elaine pinpoints in her research that many HSPs prefer or are in close relationships with partners who can be portrayed as non-HSPs. Nonetheless, the main misunderstanding occurs when these individuals are believed to be insensitive.

The truth is – they are only less sensitive than the HSPs.

When the relationship is composed of two HSPs, then the probability of negative emotions reaching an overwhelming level is a bit higher.

So basically, one must not take for granted any potential outcome.

Key Lessons from “The Highly Sensitive Person”

1.      Get out of your comfort zone
2.      There is nothing wrong in being a highly sensitive person
3.      Understand your standings

Get out of your comfort zone

This lesson doesn’t solely reflect the position of HSPs, as we try to portray all people as individuals whose “prison” is self-induced.

Try to act in your best interest by confronting your restricted mindset and discover new heights.

There is nothing wrong in being a highly sensitive person

People in this position are depicted as underdogs and feel like being pushed around by a more secure fraction of their group.

This doesn’t have to be the case if you are aware of these inclinations and tendencies.

Understand your standings

Well, this seems a bit vague! What does it mean to understand your status? It simply implies that you must discern traits which may hamper your soar on any level.

Beware of external obstacles which could pose a potential threat. Your only job is to take necessary precautions.

Like this summary? We’d Like to invite you to download our free 12 min app, for more amazing summaries and audiobooks.

“The Highly Sensitive Person Quotes”

HSPs make such good targets because we react so strongly. Click To Tweet Even a moderate and familiar stimulation, like a day at work, can cause an HSP to need quiet by evening. Click To Tweet Whatever the times, suffering eventually touches every life. How we live with it and help others too, is one of the great creative and ethical opportunities. Click To Tweet Things deeply move me. I’d hate to miss the intense joy of that. Click To Tweet Everything alive is important; there’s something greater, I know. Click To Tweet

Our Critical Review

You probably have realized by now, but we are not clinical psychologists, and we have to take Elaine’s word for everything said in here.

It is of immense value that the theory about the harmful effects of hypersensitivity is debunked and every outcome has its good and bad sides.

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The Varieties of Religious Experience PDF Summary

The Varieties of Religious Experience PDF SummaryA Study in Human Nature

Science and religion haven’t been exactly on speaking terms for most of history.

America’s great philosopher and first psychology teacher William James attempted to mend that.

And he did it best in one of the earliest books exploring the psychological nature of religion:

The Varieties of Religious Experience.

Who Should Read “The Varieties of Religious Experience”? And Why?

Regardless of whether you’re a religious person or not, one thing that should be more than clear to you is the fact that religious experiences exist.

It helps nobody if we shelf all of them under the same category – say, meetings with the divine or acts of manipulations.

That’s why James’ Verities of Religious Experiences is such an essential work in the history of science. The American philosopher is almost utterly disinterested in the legitimacy of religious experiences.

What he is interested in, however, is much more important: whether religious experiences can tell us more about the human condition here, on earth.

That’s why we warmly recommend this book to both believers and non-believers: it takes into account both positions, and it analyzes religious experiences in an objective, descriptive manner.

About William James

William JamesWilliam James was one of the most influential American philosophers and psychologists, justly considered “The Originator of Pragmatism” (with Charles Saunders Pierce) and “The Father of American Psychology.”

Born into a wealthy intellectual family – his brother was the novelist Henry James – William James trained as a physician and even taught anatomy at Harvard; however, he was never interested in practicing medicine, and he quickly reoriented toward the field of psychology and then philosophy.

James’ writings have influenced a number of prominent 20th-century intellectuals, from Husserl and Du Bois to Russell and Wittgenstein.

His books, Essays in Radical Empiricism, The Principles of Psychology, and the Varieties of Religious Experience, are considered not only groundbreaking texts in each of their respective fields but also indelible parts of the Western Canon.

“The Varieties of Religious Experience PDF Summary”

The Varieties of Religious Experience consists of William James’ Gifford Lectures on natural theology, which he delivered at the University of Edinburgh during the first three years of the 20th century.

There were originally twenty of them, but the book has a few chapters less than that number since it groups those which explored similar topics.

Lecture I. Religion and Neurology

“Religion and Neurology” describes the methodology of James’ study.

Just so that no one should make a mistake, he states straight from the outset:

I am neither a theologian, nor a scholar learned in the history of religions, nor an anthropologist. Psychology is the only branch of learning in which I am particularly versed. To the psychologist the religious propensities of man must be at least as interesting as any other of the facts pertaining to his mental constitution. It would seem, therefore, as a psychologist, the natural thing for me would be to invite you to a descriptive survey of those religious propensities.

And then he proceeds to explain that it seems much more interesting to him to explore the world of the “religious geniuses,” i.e., those people who have experienced religious visions dissimilar to those passed on through orthodox traditions.

In other words, the Einsteins of religious experiences.

Lecture II. Circumscription of the Topic

“Circumscription” is a rather archaic word which means “restriction” or “limit.”

And that’s what James tries to set in the second lecture.

Mostly, he says, he is interested in personal religious experiences, since corporate ones are usually – if not always – the product of personal ideas and conversions.

Put simply, Christianity exists because of Jesus, Islam because of Muhammed; so, the only religious experiences worth analyzing are those of Jesus and Muhammed.

And even more interesting than Jesus and Muhammed may be the creators of sects within these religions – say, George Fox who founded the Quaker religion.

What drove them to do it?

Lecture III. The Reality of the Unseen

“Vague impressions of something indefinable have no place in the rationalistic system,” writes William James in this chapter.

“Nevertheless,” he immediately adds giving an apology for his interest in religious experiences, “if we look on man’s whole mental life as it exists, on the life of men that lies in them apart from their learning and science, and that they inwardly and privately follow, we have to confess that the part of it of which rationalism can give an account is relatively superficial.”

It is the part that has the prestige undoubtedly, for it has the loquacity, it can challenge you for proofs, and chop logic, and put you down with words… Your whole subconscious life, your impulses, your faiths, your needs, your divinations, have prepared the premises, of which your consciousness now feels the weight of the result; and something in you absolutely knows that that result must be truer than any logic-chopping rationalistic talk, however clever, that may contradict it.

Lectures IV and V. The Religion of Healthy-Mindedness

The fourth and fifth James’ Gifford lecture are grouped under the same title: “The Religion of Healthy-Mindedness.”

Interestingly enough, in retrospect, what James is talking about in this chapter – terming it America’s principal contribution to religion – is actually what we should nowadays call it positive thinking.

Finding its origins in Emerson, Whitman and Mary Baker Eddy’s Christian Science, James calls this “the religion of healthy-mindedness,” or “the religion of the mind-cure.”

In the case of these people, James thinks, the religious experience is the product of happiness and an optimistic outlook; they don’t believe in evil and bad things since both of them can be neutralized through a positive attitude.

These are the once-born, the people who can live a life of sustained happiness; they don’t need a religion different than optimism.

Lectures VI and VII. The Sick Soul

However, there’s also another group, a group of people whose souls are sick from birth, since, unlike the once-born, they believe that the world is fundamentally evil.

These are the morbid-minded people.

Unfortunately, in the eyes of James, “morbid-mindedness ranges over the wider scale of experience,” since many people suffer on a daily basis and the healthy-minded are all but incapable for prolonged suffering.

So that these morbid-minded people can experience happiness, they need to be born a second time; this is why James calls their religious experiences, the religious experiences of the twice-born.

To these people, finding religion means finally finding a cure for unhappiness.

Lecture VIII. The Divided Self, and the Process of Its Unification

So, in a way, religion is a way for the morbid-minded individual to restore the condition of his healthy-mindedness.

This can be done through some sort of a “conversion experience” – see below – which can happen either abruptly (as in the case of St Paul) or through a gradual process of discovery (as in the case of Leo Tolstoy and John Bunyan).

“But neither Bunyan nor Tolstoy,” notes James beautifully, “could become what we have called healthy-minded. They had drunk too deeply of the cup of bitterness ever to forget its taste, and their redemption is into a universe two stories deep.”

In both of them, “the sadness was preserved as a minor ingredient in the heart of the faith by which it was overcome.”

However, what interests James “is that as a matter of fact they could and did find something welling up in the inner reaches of their consciousness, by which such extreme sadness could be overcome.”

Lecture IX and X. Conversion

In lectures nine and ten, James spends some time discussing the nature and the effects of religious conversion.

For some reason, he says, religion gives people the power and the impetus to change their habits and even their character.

In some cases, religious conversions result in a profound change affecting the core being of an individual.

“There are persons in whom,” writes James, “quite independently of any exhaustion in the Subject’s capacity for feeling, or even in the absence of any acute previous feeling, the higher condition, having reached the due degree of energy, bursts through all barriers and sweeps in like a sudden flood.”

He notes that “these are the most striking and memorable cases, the cases of instantaneous conversion to which the conception of divine grace has been most peculiarly attached.”

Lectures XI to XV. Saintliness and the Value of Saintliness

Then James moves on to the topic of saintliness which he explores in the next five chapters.

He uses the first two to define saintly people as those whose “spiritual emotions are the habitual center of the personal energy.”

According to James, saintliness includes four traits which lead to four practical consequences.

The four traits of saintliness are these:

#1. “A feeling of being in a wider life than that of this world’s selfish little interests; and a conviction … of the existence of an Ideal Power.”
#2. “A sense of the friendly continuity of the ideal power with our own life, and a willing self-surrender to its control.”
#3. “An immense elation and freedom, as the outlines of the confining selfhood melt down.”
#4. “A shifting of the emotional center towards loving and harmonious affections, towards ‘yes, yes’ and away from ‘no,’ where the claims of the non-ego are concerned.”

And the practical consequences of these four traits are the following:

#1. Asceticism: experiencing pleasure in self-sacrifice;
#2. Strength of soul: since fear and anxieties make room for “blissful equanimity,” a saintly person can endure everything and become a martyr. “Come heaven, come hell, it makes no difference now!”
#3. Purity: being sensitive to your own purity means trying willingly to stay away from the impurities of the world, which is often its material nature;
#4. Charity: tenderness for fellow-creatures; “the saint loves his enemies, and treats loathsome beggars as his brothers.”

Lectures XVI And XVII. Mysticism

In the next two lectures – and, in a way, the final two proper lectures of this series – William James explores the concept of mysticism. And he extrapolates “four marks which, when an experience has them, may justify us in calling it mystical”:

#1. Ineffability: no mystical experience can be adequately put into words; it defies expression;
#2. Noetic quality: all mystical experiences are “states of insight into depths of truth unplumbed by the discursive intellect;” even though inarticulate, they give the mind power of a kind which the person who goes through a mystical experience considers it revelatory;
#3. Transiency: most mystical experiences are transient and can’t be sustained for long;
#4. Passivity: the mystic often feels “as if he were grasped and held by a superior power;” he is being overcome by something else.

The first two of these four qualities of the mystical experiences are general: all mystical experiences have them; however, the second two are subsidiary features found often, but not always, in cases such as these.

Lecture XVIII. Philosophy

In this lecture, William James tries to explain why it is so difficult to talk about religious experiences in philosophical language.

Of course, the answer is simple: the former is illogical, and the latter follows the laws of logic by definition.

However, there’s a catch!

“I do believe,” writes James, “that feeling is the deeper source of religion, and that philosophic and theological formulas are secondary products, like translations of a text into another tongue.”

This whole lecture is an explanation of that sentence.

Lecture XIX. Other Characteristics

In the penultimate lecture, James skims through some “other characteristics” of the religious experiences.

The three topics covered here are institutional religion, prayers, and the relationship between religion and the subconscious.

James doesn’t hold organized religion in high regard since it doesn’t give enough room for personal religious experiences – which is what it was born out of.

Prayers are then analyzed both historically and pragmatically, as is the relationship between religion and the subconscious, leaving room for the interpretation of at least some religious experiences as products of psychopathological conditions.

Lecture XX. Conclusions

In his final lecture, William James continues this discussion of the subconscious, presenting it as a channel through which “the further limits of our being plunge… into an altogether other dimension of existence from the sensible and merely ‘understandable’ world.”

It is because of this that further studies in the realm of the subconscious are necessary.

They, in the eyes of James, should be able to reveal to us a sounder basis for scientific exploration of the religious experience.

For now, it is our duty to not dismiss it as something inherently unscientific because it has helped many people become both happier and smarter.

Key Lessons from “The Varieties of Religious Experience”

1.      Healthy-Mindedness and Morbid-Mindedness
2.      Saintliness: Traits and Effects
3.      The Four Marks of a Mystical Experience

Healthy-Mindedness and Morbid-Mindedness

Some people are born healthy-minded, and others are born morbid-minded; the former are capable of sustaining happiness, the latter think that they are doomed to suffer through life.

Positive thinking is, more or less, the only religion the first group of people needs; however, the second can only become healthy-minded trough some sort of religious conversion.

That’s why William James calls the former “the once-born” and the latter “the twice-born.”

Saintliness: Traits and Effects

There are four traits which describe a saintly person and which lead to four different practical effects.

The traits in question are: a feeling that the world is more than what we can see; a sense that there is an Ideal Power which exists in you as well; an immense elation and freedom; and a shifting from a no-state to a yes-state of being.

These four traits lead to four practical consequences: asceticism, strength of soul, purity, and charity.

The Four Marks of a Mystical Experience

Just like saintliness, mysticism can also be defined within the limits of four qualities.

These are: ineffability, noetic quality, transiency, and passivity.

The first two are general and describe all mystical experiences; the latter two can often be found in them, but are sometimes absent and are subsidiary.

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“The Varieties of Religious Experience Quotes”

Good-humor is a philosophic state of mind; it seems to say to Nature that we take her no more seriously than she takes us. I maintain that one should always talk of philosophy with a smile. Click To Tweet Knowledge about life is one thing; effective occupation of a place in life, with its dynamic currents passing through your being, is another. Click To Tweet I am no lover of disorder and doubt as such. Rather I fear to lose truth by the pretension to possess it already wholly. Click To Tweet There are two lives, the natural and the spiritual, and we must lose the one before we can participate in the other. Click To Tweet The lunatic's visions of horror are all drawn from the material of daily fact. Our civilization is founded on the shambles, and every individual existence goes out in a lonely spasm of helpless agony. Click To Tweet

Our Critical Review

The Varieties of Religious Experience may be a bit outdated, and some of its ideas may seem somewhat dangerous; after all, Mussolini said that it was this book which taught him that “an action should be judged by its result rather than by its doctrinal basis.”

Even so, it is a book which – as James’ fellow pragmatist Pierce said – penetrates deep into the hearts of people; and it will undoubtedly be debated for many years to come. Just as it has been for over a century now.

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The Power of Your Subconscious Mind PDF Summary

The Power of Your Subconscious Mind PDFHave you ever pondered about your real potential? Are we merely a wave tossed in the endless ocean, or the ocean itself?

In this book, you’ll come across many life-altering theories that will crash your inner world.

Climb aboard!

Who Should Read “The Power of Your Subconscious Mind”? And Why?

The society has done a “great” job when it comes to shrinking your ability and prowess. You are a prisoner, not aware of its captivity. Locked away in a self-created prison is an everyday reality for most people.

The Power of Your Subconscious Mind” brings these delusions into the light, and compels you to do the rethinking.

In all sincerity, we believe that this is one of those books written for the sake of the world. So, categorization of the audience will be an unnecessary action.

Joseph MurphyAbout Joseph Murphy

Joseph Murphy was a life-changer whose words contained in inspiring books helped millions. He spent a significant portion of his adulthood in India, learning the secrets of Eastern Philosophy.

He wrote dozens of books, all revolving around the mysterious nature of this existence.

“The Power of Your Subconscious Mind PDF Summary”

You don’t need us telling you that one mind is all we have. Nonetheless, this questionable and mysterious central element consists of:

  • Conscious Mind
  • Subconscious Mind

The first part belongs to what can be best described as the “objective” one. It allows you to make choices, reach agreements, assess predicaments, etc. It’s also labeled as the “surface” mind. The second and somewhat mythical one is the subconscious mind.

It is engraved deep into your “core self” making it the “sleeping mind.” The subconscious entity is the stage, while the conscious body represents the actors on stage. This metaphorical expression should allow you to see the big picture and understand the role of both.

The fundamental elements of the mind

It’s needless to say that you can tip the balance in your favor by learning the ropes of how your mind works. So, the privilege of executing everyday tasks goes to the conscious element, while the subconscious one is in charge of evaluating the actions of it.

It’s like a deep ocean; you’ll never know what’s hiding at the bottom of it but that mustn’t stop you from going deeper and deeper. In addition, being happier is merely the end result of a broad understanding of how your mind operates and its core functions. The thinking, as we said, goes to the conscious, and that’s why if you send positive vibes to the universe, you’ll be on the receiving end of positive affirmations.

It’s like a boomerang throw, as simple as that.

Be obsessed with negative thoughts, and you’ll slowly start to plunge into a deep depression. The universal energies are not as complex as you might have imagined. According to the author, the subconscious mind is like an obedient soldier who follows orders given by the conscious entity.

In other words, your subconscious is open to receive commands and interpret them to your best interest.

These orders or norms arrive in the form of suggestions, which the subconscious mind is entitled to depict them as it feels. How your body reacts, what kind of thoughts do you nurture will all be transmitted into the invisible entity.

After all, you are accorded the privilege of organizing the chatter of various internal phenomena.

This process helps you understand how “negative suggestion” can impact your well-being, affect your temper, and instigate fear. Joseph states that “pessimistic autosuggestions” are insanely powerful and can quickly put you in a phase of jeopardy.

This paradoxical but also a convenient way of operating gives the subconscious mind a new feature – its obedience. It doesn’t question your demands and absorbs “syllogism”- which in layman’s terms indicates that whatever you endorse or consider to be true, your subconscious will do likewise.

In our opinion, the best description for this way of functioning is – You reap what you sow. Fill your head with meaningless concepts, and that’s what you’ll eventually end up with. Marinate on that for a minute.

Let’s get back to the drawing board and puzzle over what separates happy from miserable people? If you want a straightforward answer, you’re going to get one – the way they handle the subconscious entity. They understand its limitless, freedom and ability to get in touch with the infinite source of energy.

The harmonious state exists in the subconscious mind, but only if you allow it to be. If you just go with the flow and don’t fight the life current, you’ll automatically be in that position. Nonetheless, if try to pave your own way, with total disregard of your intrinsic urges, you’ll stimulate negative sensations.

The goal of this book is to teach you how you can blend the conscious and subconscious to the maximum extent. We also like to portray the subconsciousness as a mirror, which reflects your doings on the outside.

As with most things in life, you need to push harder to get to your wanted destination. When it comes to your subconscious mind, sometimes less is best. By believing in your cause, and getting rid of harmful tendencies, you’ll spontaneously reach your goals and satisfy your cravings.

The Myth and Reality of the Subconscious Mind

Aware or not, your subconscious plays a pivotal role in your life, in particular, your well-being. The way you handle everyday issues, emotional outbursts, and psychological setbacks speak about your attitude and understanding of the “hidden self.”

Some people prefer to call this energy God, others Infinity – it doesn’t quite matter how you name it, what does matter is your faith in it. You will be happy for sure, once you abandon the meaningless limitations imposed by the system.

Happiness is a choice, not a God-given gift. If you decide to take firm control of your destiny, happiness will follow. Sometimes we feel indebted to people who showed us the way, but mostly this is the path that your heart has already chosen on your behalf.

Living in the now is perhaps the best advice you’ll ever get. Don’t roam around in the unforeseeable future but remain consistent and allow your mind to cherish the present reality.

Once the pain and the urges for interpreting the past or wishing a better future are gone, you are good to go. A vast majority of the population seeks salvation from the outside. A word of caution – don’t become one of those people who are prepared to sacrifice their blissfulness in order to get attention.

When it comes to love, it’s of utmost importance to realize that in order to have a lovely marriage filled with understanding, and mutual trust, there must be a spiritual connection between the partners.

In a symbolic manner, it’s pretty accurate to say that you’ll attract a partner whose traits are complementary to your subconscious mind.

Furthermore, if you wish to find an intelligent, confident, and caring life-companion, you need to express that desire. Many individuals these days complain due to the lack of synergy between partners, but that’s only a sub-product of the messages conveyed through their subconscious.

Tackle these harmful inclinations by nurturing a positive mindset, through prayer and self-contemplation. In addition, try not to turn your marriage into a business! You don’t need to go after the perfect partner at any cost, but work on your self-expression and give the Universe a room to do its job.  

Try not to take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back by following unclear directions. If you are not sure which road is the right one, stay calm and contemplate through meditation and prayer. The ignorant part of the mind will jump to give its conclusion and force you into negative thinking.

Beware of these tendencies by staying on full alert. A common mistake most people make is complaining about the partner to other people. They are just empowering the negative thoughts to take over and destroy the union.

A good technique you can use is to never, under no circumstances, transfer today’s problems over into the next days. Forgive one another daily, and pray at dinner or before you hit the rack. This doesn’t seem like much, but it is a huge morale boost for the couple.

Doing more things together, and forgiving rather than memorizing everything will definitely help you strengthen the bond. Convey harmony, love, and understanding. If you believe that constructive criticism is useful, then use it, but try not to be too harsh.

Be an advocate for compassion, not judgment.

The Healing Method

A throwback to ancient times and the medieval age, when people reported miracles in various forms. Even these days, this sort of occurrences leave a trace in the society. Mixed with cultural and religious paradigms, most people associate these “wonders” with God.

Upon finishing the healing procedures through God’s disciples on Earth, the person would’ve felt an instant change.

First and foremost, not all people believe in this kind of stories, and that’s okay, but the meaning behind it is that all is possible with the right mindset. The herbs given and rituals conducted by the priests had a placebo effect, which urged the person to believe in the healing.

Tackling the previous state of mind was made possible through the “auto-suggestion mode” which the subconscious interprets and gives its answer to it. By accepting the healing, the person rises and embraces its new reality.

The author emphasizes that this effect can merely take place, once you abandon your negative thoughts and keep them buried! For instance, don’t dream about the future, just incorporate the same vision into the present moment.

In the same fashion, you should direct your efforts toward the final destination. Remain focused during the process, and subdue your impulses to judge the situation. By staying positive through prayer and other methods, you’ll send positive affirmations to the Universe, and enable the spiritual healing to take place.

The same approach can be used when you aspire to achieve some goal. The author implies that with the help of visualization, your subconscious will understand your cravings and provide a response that manifests your deep urges in body and mind.

This will create a mental picture that takes you one step closer to your desired accomplishment.

Rinse and repeat until you master the “universal principles,” and how it affects your well-being. Although our perception of what it is to be sensibly well-off keeps altering, the bar keeps rising to unmeasurable scales.

Expressing gratitude can get the ball rolling, and help you conquer your own mind. Tackle the false reality, and set your agenda that fits your needs.

Sleep deprivation can also turn out to be a big issue. You need at least 6 hours a day to function properly, perhaps even more. Even when your body is in a state of deep relaxation, your subconscious mind remains active.

You should learn how to relax your body, and commit to sleep to have a tenacious grip on your life.

Key Lessons from “The Power of Your Subconscious Mind”

1.      Be open-minded
2.      Tackle depression with a single step
3.      Measure your actions

Be open-minded

Control this emotional unrest by trying to talk some sense into your partner, and see who is adding fuel to the fire.

Don’t raise your tone when discussing these matters; try to get into the shoes of the other person to see things from his/her point of view.

Tackle depression with a single step

The best cure for depression is your determination to be happy, without necessarily turning over to the painful past or uncertain future.

The energy around us is giving you a hand to endure in this battle and make heads or tails of how the power of the subconscious works.

Measure your actions

Practice faith, and visualize in the now, because you’ll never be in the future.

According to the Bible, you’ll receive, in accordance with your faith, so when attempting to heal yourself, bear this in mind and act accordingly.

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“The Power of Your Subconscious Mind Quotes”

Just keep your conscious mind busy with expectation of the best. Click To Tweet All of us have our own inner fears, beliefs, opinions. These inner assumptions rule and govern our lives. A suggestion has no power in and of itself. Its power arises from the fact that you accept it mentally. Click To Tweet Busy your mind with the concepts of harmony, health, peace, and good will, and wonders will happen in your life. Click To Tweet As you sow in your subconscious mind, so shall you reap in your body and environment. Click To Tweet He awakened to the simple truth that it is never what a person says or does that affects him, it is his reaction to what is said or done that matters. Click To Tweet

Our Critical Review

The first edition of this classic was originally published back in 1962. Since then, due to the evergreen tips and quotes, the value of the book hasn’t diminished.

It’s still one of the most life-changing books ever written. We enjoyed every bit of it.

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Born To Win PDF Summary

Born To Win PDFTransactional Analysis with Gestalt Experiments

You don’t need to have a Master’s Degree in Psychology to be interested in some fundamental aspects of it.

This book provides the readers with lots of insightful and mind-blowing information regarding the human urges to behave as they do.

Stay tuned, and find out more.

Who Should Read “Born To Win”? And Why?

Our actions merely reflect our inner state, and that’s the only truth. The bottom line is – if you are armed with self-knowledge and psychological expertise you are drastically increasing your chances of staying on the top.

Born to Win” is a life-altering masterpiece that calls into question our decision-making and mindset.

About Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward

Muriel JamesDespite being an author, Muriel James, Ed.D. is also a marriage counselor and an expert in psychology. As the former president of the International Transactional Analysis Association, she certainly has a lot to offer.

Dorothy Jongeward works as a management consultant.

“Born To Win PDF Summary”

Transactional analysis (TA) along with gestalt therapy drills down to the core of human conduct in given situations. Understanding why we behave in a certain manner, and how those changes affect our mood is a psychological paradigm that is subjected to heated debates.

Dr. Eric Berne is the father-figure of this research bomb, which puts transactional analysis at the very center of understanding the nature of our actions. When it comes to gestalt therapy experiments, Dr. Frederick Perls can be labeled as the architect of this concept.

Helping people to unify or integrate their conflicting traits is Frederick’s primary concern. A significant chunk of the human population is still on the verge of an emotional breakdown because of the negative influences that spread equally “deadly” vibes in the environment.

In the light of these two processes brought together, it’s fair to say that people can plunge into new insightful breakthroughs.  

Unlike other methodologies, TA and gestalt therapy take under their wing the individuals who are in desperate need of guidance. This new form of aid represents the turning point in the lives of many. To put it differently, the mindset you nurture and cultivate can either be your best friend or your worst enemy.

Living a responsible, caring, creative, spontaneous and fulfilled life is at the receiving end of this procedure. Whipped up to take concrete actions and weed out the concepts that stopped you from seeing the light, is another way of saying that you require a mind-alteration.

Tackle the harmful tendencies

Gestalt therapy is still an unfamiliar discipline for most people. You might want to slow down the pace to see what triggers your scatterbrained attitude. Becoming an organized person with well-defined goals and plans can only be sustained by the right mindset.

In a more scientific connotation, Gestalt therapy mainly addresses neuroticism, which according to Perls represents the inability to achieve full integration.

Turn a new leaf

Let’s take a hypothetical situation: A person who can’t seem to find a job or can’t seem to make new friends is feeling desperate. His current position is the “hot-seat” which is empty of genuine intentions and ideas.

He calls for help and decides to tackle these different personalities. His projections are not needed, and he must turn his head over to more significant tendencies.

To find out the nature of this hostility, perhaps the person needs to switch the chair. Although the individual claims that uncertainty troubles his mind more than anything, it’s vital to see his position while addressing others.

In addition, let’s take a look at the four chairs and understand the bitter side:

  • Hot seat – “I have little clue what to do now. If you ask me I am always polite to people.”
  • Other chair – “You are prepared to see why you’re here, and why you can’t prosper in personal and professional life.”
  • Hot seat – “I simply can’t seem to digest these tendencies. I am always behaving friendly.”
  • Other chair – “You are getting nowhere, and you are basically on the fence between making a big deal out of everything or wanting to show people that you do care.”

Losers hate to be branded or marked as underachievers or whiners. Their main priority is to conceal their fearful mindset, on the condition that they’ll leave a better impression. The persons struggling to pluck up their courage wants to portray themselves as macho.

They love to beat around the bush and do pretty much everything that will keep the focus away from their flaws.

They prefer to fly under the radar to blow off some steam and prevent others from disclosing their insecurity.

On the other end, winners love to emphasize their imperfections and work on them. They want logic to prevail over fear and have an unquenchable thirst for self-knowingness.

The personality “cult” derives from the egoic form of consciousness, and this is the superficial state of one’s self.

Key Lessons from “Born To Win”

1.      Define your purpose
2.      Change your perception
3.      Understand the whole story

Define your purpose

Unaware of their genuine motives and intentions, many individuals roam around the world purposelessly.

Staying in the shadows is one way of feeling safe and secure. For precisely the same reason, they sometimes bite more than they can chew.

Change your perception

People who are not afraid to raise the bar and come out on top can see the big picture and become aware of their feelings, emotions, urges, etc.

Finding the key to your mind is a door that opens up undiscovered treasures.

Understand the whole story

To cut a long story short, Perls wants to create a perceptive society which is aware of its disintegrated personalities. These dimensions create a new way of fixing a torn apart and fragile society.

Productivity also depends upon the process of unifying these fragments, so individuals can no longer get distracted so easily on a daily basis.

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“Born To Win Quotes”

All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; Each man in his time plays many parts. Click To Tweet One way people can get in touch with the old feelings that they keep reinforcing is to become aware of feelings that seem inappropriate in the situation. Click To Tweet Transactional analysis is a tool you can use to know yourself, to know how you relate to others and to discover the dramatic course your life is taking. Click To Tweet For better or for worse, parents serve as models and are imprinted on the brains of their children. Click To Tweet Being discounted is always painful. Between parents and children, it leads to personality pathology – creating losers. Click To Tweet

Our Critical Review

We can’t say much other than – this book deserves to be on your reading list. Find a place on your bookshelf and start inquiring.

If you need any extra tip, make sure to drill down to the fundamental concepts of this topic and satisfy your appetite for knowledge.

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